I’m having quite a hard time at the moment. There is hardly any time for my research work, as I am otherwise engaged in composing. I am taking two subjects this semester that are challenging, even overwhelming at times. Film composition with Leon Lhoëst and big band arrangement with Wolfgang Braun. Even though I have to be very disciplined and follow a tight schedule in order to get everything done, I already feel like I’ve really outgrown myself and learned even more than last year.
On the side, I’m writing the soundtrack for a friend’s short film and here I’m already reaching some personal as well as professional limits. I’m very proud of the results so far, but I also realize that I still have to and want to close some educational gaps in the field of music production.
And with all this occupation with visuals, I realize again how much the motion picture animates me to write music and to give the depicted situation more depth and atmosphere.
The new experiences enrich me, and contribute to reflecting on my artistic identity and question my artistic self-image. Do I see myself as a jazz singer? From a cultural as well as a professional point of view, it is difficult for me to put this stamp on myself.
More than that, though, I’m really starting to see myself as a composer. Sure it may be partly pandemic related, but my main occupation at the moment is to continue to develop my skills as a producer, writing lyrics and new music. When someone asks me what I do for a living, I feel authentic when I say that I am a vocal coach, singer and composer. And this realization gives me a lot of self-confidence and new drive right now.